The Pain of Saying Farewell
by vicsmoria
Summary: Ashlotte says her final goodbye to Soap as he slowly slips away. Takes place during Modern Warfare 3, Told from Ash's POV. If you don't know Ash, read Heat Wave


*** As you all know…I love Captain John 'Soap' MacTavish so much as to make a character to pair him up with. After just viewing his death scene…. my world collapsed (not really but I did cry…I'm crying as I type this.) Please enjoy this story about Ash saying her final goodbyes to Soap ***

What the hell was going on? Soap couldn't be dying…no it was impossible. I refused to register this as truth. He was a rock, the one who would watch me die if anything, not the other way around. This wasn't the man I had met in the S.A.S; this bloodied rag doll they haphazardly carried through the door must have been some other soldier who they would chalk up as another wounded to the never-ending list of injured.

Its so sad how humans will lie to their minds to protect them from the truth that is coldly placed before them. That's what I was doing now…and I knew the sweet ignorant bliss I was trying to submerge myself in could only last so long. "Clear the table!" Price ordered, the urgency in his voice ripping through my clouded thoughts. The two men who carried Soap by his arms and legs cautiously placed him on the oak table. A groan of immense pain slipped through Soap's bloodied lips but was droned out by Price's booming voice.

Blood from his wound seeped onto the table and dripped onto the floor, slipping into the cracks and sinking away into oblivion. The color from his once alive face has drained, leaving a pasty white color in its place. Price screamed for a medic that would never come while Yuri and himself worked away on stopping the river of red. All Soap could do was lie there and pant lightly. As the bloody puddle spread faster and faster, I knew what was going to happen…the day I thought would never come had finally caught up to me.

With trembling legs, I approached Soap, each tentative step bringing me closer to tears. It took him a moment to register I was there next to him, and the moment I saw the dim light of joy dawn in his eyes for the last time, the first salty tear-drop slithered down my cheek and joined the muddle of blood. "Ashlotte…" He wheezed, taking my firm hand in his limp one. The once blue ocean that was his eyes was now frozen over with the looming grip of death.

"Hi Soap…" I said softly, gripping his hand tighter. He needed someone to hold on to in his last moments and I would be that someone. I placed my free hand on his cheek, dull heat pulsating lightly into my palm. A sad smile found its way to my lips and he struggled to smile back. Soap, always putting on a brave face for me. Price looked at me, seeing if I was holding up for the time being, knowing at any moment I would fall to pieces.

"Ashy…I need to tell you something…" He said, motioning for me to come closer, his voice being barely audible. Price knitted his eyebrows together and put his head in his palm. I leaned in so my ear was right next to his chilled lips. "Ashlotte Madeline Riley," I tried to choke back tears as he said my full name with such a melodic trill, "I love you with all my heart. I'll be with you sooner then you know it." He whispered so reassuringly so the words would stick.

"John…" I began, but he turned to Price before I could finish my statement. He began to explain something to Price but I tuned out the words. All I could do was stand there holding his hand, knowing it would be the last time I would ever have the comfort of his fingers intertwined with mine. _I'll be with you sooner then you know it. _What he meant by that, I didn't know, but it was comforting to me in a bittersweet way.

"Ashlotte," his voice brought me back from the endless paths of my mind and back into reality. I nodded to show him he had my attention. As he brushed a stray tendril of jet-black hair out of my eyes, I saw the life slowly leaving him. "I will always love you…" He said softly while the sun began to set over the horizon in his eyes.

"I love you too John," I said as I felt his fingers loosening in mine. He inhaled his last bit of Earthly life and then let go of me, of Price, of the Task Force, and of the world. A numb pain wracked my body as I stared at him and as I watched Price go off the deep end. I had lost a lover and he had lost a son.

" Oh no….no no no! SOAP!" Price wailed as the reality hit him square in the face. The other men in the room tried to tell us we had to go, but Price held onto John for dear life. We both couldn't leave him, but we knew in the deepest caverns of our hearts we had to. We had to finish what we started; we had to build the future that John had wanted for us.

Price reached into his vest and pulled out the rusted pistol that John had given him back in the greasy belly of the gulog. "I'm sorry…" was all Price could muster as he placed the token on John's chest. "Say one last goodbye Ash…" He said meekly as he turned away from the table, not being able to bear staring at John for another second without the pain of leaving him remerging in his heart.

I stood over him; he looked as if he was just sleeping which made the knife in my heart go even deeper. I felt as if any moment he would wake up with a cheeky smile on his face. The pain of knowing he would never smile at me, kiss me, or hold me again grew inside of me and blossomed into a black rose of despair. The tears came pouring out now along with the misery that had broken through the dam of my heart. "Goodbye John…" I cried as my tears rested on his face like pearls. I placed a goodbye kiss on his frozen lips as everyone looked at me with pitying eyes.

To them, I am now the girl who lost the one she loved to the greedy hands of war. But I know I didn't loose him all together. His presence still looms over me despite him just leaving moments ago. He is smiling at me with one hand on my shoulder and another on my waist. I placed my hand over my stomach where his would be.

John is free now, from all the blood and torment that shackled him to this world. He's with Simon now…which put me at ease. I would see both of them again someday, but for now I would live my life for my one and only Captain MacTavish.

*** I wonder why Ash held her stomach… well anyway…I hope you all enjoyed the bittersweet tale I just weaved for you. Thank you all for reading and I hope Soap lives on in your hearts 3 ***


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